2...1...0...

Nope hindi yan prequel sa awiting 214 ng Rivermaya. Oo marahil tama ka, countdown yan. Pero hindi ng kung anu mang kaabang abang na pagdiriwang o kapanapanabik na okasyon. Countdown yan ng paglisan, ng mga naiiwan kong mga kaibigan dito sa Dubai...

Hindi na rin ako nagulat o nagtaka o nagtanong sa sarili ko kung bakit at paano. Mahirap talagang magmaintain ng kaibigan lalo na kung hindi lang basta pakikipagkaibigan ng nais nilang mangyari. Nakakapanghinayang. Sayang. Pero ganun talaga ang buhay, sometimes you lose some, sometimes you lose all.

May dalawa sanang natira pero mahirap ipaliwanag ang nangyari. Basta na lang walang text, walang tawag, walang email. Aaminin ko mahirap din akong pakisamahan minsan o madalas pero binibigyan ko din naman ng imporatansiya ang mga taong nagmamahal at nakakaunawa sa akin. Pero kung choice nilang manahimik na lang saka lumimot, wala akong magagawa. Sanay naman akong mag-isa. Walang kausap, walang kasama, walang barkada.

Kung sakaling maisipan nilang bumalik, nandito lang naman din ako. Hindi naman mahirap baligtarin ang 2..1..o... Mas magiging masaya nga siguro kung ganito ang mangyayari.0..1..2..3..and so on and so forth. Mas maraming kaibigan, mas maraming kasama sa lungkot at ligaya. Pero mahirap pilitin ang hindi pa naaayon, hintayin na lang natin ang takdang panahon.

No Comment Please...

Criticisms, those are the last words that I want to hear from other people’s mouth. I am a terrible critic, but when it is my turn to assume all the derision and vilification, I take it against anyone who try to provoke and offend my vulnerable and defenseless sensitivity. Unfair it is. Whether I am aware that I have wronged or not, my ears are fallen deaf when it comes to unsolicited and unwanted remarks from others. I can appreciate you for a hundred reasons but honestly, criticism, be it constructive, isn’t something to make me smile and say, “o thank you for being so honest..”. I hate it when I made a mistake and people will gamble on a chance to tell me that I actually did.

I feel the words, when it is coming back to me, like a hot acid splash in the face. Of the many things that I have accomplished in life, a correction, a statement of displease, a disapproval, a complaint, a suggestion, a repugnant thought or even a simple comment could make me feel and think everything that I have done has gone to waste. It hurts me so bad when I am made to feel that I failed, that I fell short of expectations, that I lost, that I did something unpleasant, that I got so much to improve on, that I could be better. These words, mean it or mock it, doesn’t make any difference in as far as how much it would cause me.

So I’d rather take a giant exit rather than hear them communicate my imperfections. Sometimes out of courtesy, yes I listen but deep in my heart my nerves are one in revolt saying “you have no right to tell me these things”. Many times I have chosen to back out of the game rather than hear where I have gone wrong and play again. No matter now positive the criticisms may sound to be, it still reverberate as some pride killer and a successful put-my head-under-my-shirt endeavor.

My ego is big but full enough to accommodate suggestions. Hate me is not the least you can do. But I suggest that you just understand and pray for me. I am not that bad. I do realize my weaknesses and now I am trying hard to crack my shell and be more open to what others’ have to say. What I do not know, that might be the polish that will make me shine brighter.

PS. Please feel free to comment.

Devil Inside Me

“I Can be your good friend until the end”, says the song. I wish. I am probably one of the nicest guy you can ever have for a friend, that is, if fate allows. More than a friend, I can be a caring brother, an ally and a guarantor, my shoulders are broad enough to cry on and my ears are wide enough to listen. I am slightly generous and I share what I have. I believe friends are just one of the few things that money cant’ buy. That explains why true friends are hard to find.

I might just look like a bad guy, but going beyond what meets the eye, one can see the adorable side of my being. I strongly embody the thought that we shouldn’t judge a blog by its lay-out. For inside its pages might lies answers for many of our life questions, the key to simple but genuine happiness and the real events that matter passing unnoticed before our eyes. One can never tell a chest’s treasure by just simply looking at its interior built, one has to unlock the keys and digs for what’s inside.

But I am not a saint, or anyone close to it. Enough said, I can be nice but I can also be harsh and rude, if situations require. I can be your best friend or our worst foe. I don’t usually mess up with trouble, that's one thing that I have not engaged myself with since I was a kid. But last night, my temper was put to a test. Somebody’s (a housemate) accusation has gotten my irk up into my head and what followed was a brilliant, hell-raising, film-like scripted war of words.

An unintentional slight slamming of the door has irritated my housemate, he yelled at me “Galit ka ba at bakit ka nagdadabog?”, I said calmly, “Hinde”. I have no reasons to. In higher voice, “eh bakit kung isara mo yung pinto eh..” Hearing his words again, I didn’t have time to think, nasabi ko na lang, “P…ina mo! Bakit ikaw ba may-ari ng pinto? Natutulog ka ba?”.”Wala akong galit sa ‘yo at wala akong panahon aksayahin ang galit ko sa isang katulad mo, isang ka lang pipitsuging…” My succeeding words were harsh, hard and hurting. Pero gumaganti siya ng pagsagot, bastos daw ako at sumasagot sa matanda”, sabi ko, “di ka dapat respetuhin, matanda ka na nga, wala ka pang pinagkatandaan”. “Wala daw akong pinag-aralan”, gumanti ako nang papilosopo, “hello, ano ba ang tinapos mo?”. Sinabi ko kanya, “Bakit di ka maghanap ng sarili mong bahay hindi yung nakikisiksik ka dito sa amin”. “Tutal matagal ka na dito sa Dubai marahil naman marami ka ng pera at malaki na ang sweldo mo, unless..” Marami pa kaming nakakatuwang pinagsasabi, nakakahiya na lang sabihin yung iba. Nadala lang din ako ng inis at sumpong. Kamalaunan napalitan ng yung galit ko ng tawa at awa, naaawa ako sa kanya kasi alam kong pwede ko siyang patayin sa sama ng loob sa pagsasabi sa kanya ng kung ano ano. Ako pa. Buwisit talaga ako, inaamin ko, pero yun eh, kapag binuwit ako at nabuwisit ako. I am naturally peace loving person and that was just the first time na may muntik na akong ihulog sa 4th floor ng building namin. But of course hindi ko gagawin yun o ang mamisikal, that’s one big NO-NO dito sa Dubai, or else sa selda o sa Pinas ang bagsak ko.

This old man has just transferred to our house recently bringing loads of thing inappropriate for a bedspacer. As if he’s the owner of the room, he rearranged everything inside for his convenience. Next thing we knew, he’s occupying half the room while we pay the same rent. We didn’t say anything as respect to him. But rules were instigated, NO TV. NO LIGHTS. NO MUSIC. NO CELFONE. NO NOISE. Such a tough act to follow but the other four housemates including me has tried to at least abide. But inevitably sometimes you couldn’t be perfect. We would always be warned even for a fairly audible celfone ringtone or some low-toned conversation. Just the same we haven’t reacted violently, as respect to him. But last night, I just couldn’t contained it, he’s just too much to bear.

After the incident, I felt good and I didn’t feel any regret whatsoever. I am proud of what I have done and some people just need a dose of their own medicine. I am nice guy but eruptive and violent when it needs to be. I am not perfect.

Back to Blue

Ramadan is over. As the most celebrated month of the Islamic calendar folded up, everything now is back to normal, everyone is back to work and I am back to blue. Gone were the days for daytime dreaming and midnight jaunt. For one month that our office hours have been reduced by a third, I felt like a caged bird that was freed for a moment, hanging around and searching for salvation. For one month that I have not taken any breakfast or lunch, I trimmed down some weight without a conscious diet. For one month, I have communed with my inner self and enjoyed the things that truly made myself happy, that kind of happiness that emanates from within, without price and without company.

With barely a month left to spend in the office, glad my supervisor has taken his annual vacation, my remaining days can prove to be more useful than sorry. What lies head is still something that I haven’t figure out. Just hope my qualifications work better for me this time. My current job is tolerable, but my supervisor makes it unbearable. In this land of opportunities, I always get the best jobs, sadly I always end up with someone who doesn’t want to see me happy.

I will start to watch time as it moves at each second of it. Once in a while, I will take a glimpse at stillness hoping it will run as fast as a raging stallion. Oh time! why couldn't you just leave and comes back when darkness has enveloped the entirety. So that I wont' have to carry a cross of just having too much time to do nothing at an undesirable place and with terribly undesirable people.

I am trying and I have tried hard enough. It just wouldn't fit. Either it's too loose or too tight.

Mukhang Computer

Now more than ever, I am enjoying my computer and the internet. I am so hooked to it that I actually spend more time in the cyberspace that with my friends, family and even with work. What's worst? It even take a toll sometimes on my personal life, like when I forgot to eat my meals, take a bath or rest with enough sleep. Malamang nalugi na sa akin yun dati kong internet cafe na pinupuntahan at sulit na sulit naman ako sa bago kong boarding house, kasi naman daig ko pa ang newscast sa kakababad sa internet, huh!, nakatutok 24 oras! Sabi nga ng isa kong friend, "mukha na raw akong computer" at "adik pa". Too bad, adik na computer, I have never seen anything like that before.

So I hurriedly rushed to the bathroom. I looked at myself at the mirror. I gently touched my face and wondered, "mukha na ba talaga akong computer?" Then I touched my jaw, "bilugan pa naman", hindi pa naman rectangular na parang monitor. I placed my hands on my forehead and then to my cheeks. I barely have pimples na pwede kong mapagkamalang keyboard. My ears are still normal, hindi naman mukhang tengang daga para sabihin kong mouse. Siguro, if there's any computer component that I can associate myself with, it would be the CPU, matalino "daw" kasi ako and my brain is overflowing with data and information. Kaya lang, tulad ng sa computer, meron daw din akong virus na super deadly, ang aking attitude. Mas grabe daw kesa sa "love virus", nakakapinsala, nakakahawa at nakamamatay.

Tama nga naman. I won't deny it. My life now revolves around the cyberworld. At bakit nga ba? Because there, I feel so belonged. I am deeply appreciated. I don't need to see or hear them physically for me to know they're raising their thumbs up in saying, "Dude, you are doing great!". Kahit pa siguro hindi na ako makapanuod ng sine o TV o kahit pa hindi na ako makapaglibot o makagala with friends, basta may connection, it is more than enough to make my day.

So okay lang kahit mapagsabihan akong mukhang computer. At least sosyal di ba? Mahal kaya ng computer, kesa naman mapagsabihang mukhang sofa, mukhang ref o di man kaya ay mukhang queen size bed. Besides, I know, tumanda man ako sa kakacomputer, alam kong marami akong napapasaya at sa panahon ngayon, that is all that matters.

Just Friends

After four days of no communication whatsoever, I reconciled with a friend. It took him only one text to bring me back, he texted me, "Daya mo, lagi na lang ako ang suko". I wasn't really sure where our misunderstanding, if there's any, have stemmed from. It's just that one day he stopped texting, calling and emailing me. As far as I am aware of, I have not done anything to embarras him or make him feel bad about me. The only thing I can remember during the last time that we have spoken, I mentioned to him in all honesty that he should stop seeing and start forgetting those people who only have nothing but pain and disappointment to give him back. For four days, though I don't think it's fair to assume, maybe he has tried.

My friend is gay and he has been very vocal to let me know that he likes me. I have never given it any serious thought though sometimes I want to tell him to stop as it is making me feel so awkward, uneasy and uncomfortable. During that last time that we have talked, maybe I was able to convey that message impliedly and he got the point more or less. If he was embarrased, or hurt or did feel bad, I don't know sure. I have no intention, I just wanted to set things right and straight.

So for four days, no one has bothered me. I have afforded to change my blog's lay-out and I was able to recuperate from days of less sleeps and nocturnal blogging. I was back to my roots and of being domesticated, far from anyone's attention and distraction. I was happy and free while someone else was "getting over someone else". Though I knew something was happening, I gave him all the time to ponder on. I knew in time he'd realized that it's out of my league, that our friendship will endure even without pushing it to some undesirable limits.

Sometimes I blame myself for being so nice and lovable. Girls, guys and gays couldn't help but fall, even friends and that's the worst of all.

Harmful Imperfections

Last night, I was talking to a friend and he asked about what’s the latest about me, I told him I have no friends here in Dubai, that I have difficulty tolerating my job and that I am feeling homesick again. He wasn’t surprised anymore hearing those things from me. All he said was “isip bata ka talaga”. Then I defended myself by saying “wala naman perpekto, lahat may kapintasan”. To that part he seconded, but his succeeding words are just too honest and painful to bear, “oo nga, pero yung imperfections mo iba, nakakasakit ng tao”. Then I was guilty in silence.

There are people on earth, much celebrated than me, who also have imperfections, but theirs are negligible and never overshadow their talents and the redeeming side of their character. Take for example our huge “stars”, Sharon Cuneta maybe well in singing and acting, but she isn’t a good dancer adding more are her imperfect pair of legs. Vilma Santos is such an idol in when it comes to the dance floor and acting as well, but her voice is terribly annoying. Nora Aunor, one of the country’s best actresses is also a prolific singer, but I’ve never seen her dance and hope to never see her do.

Even these people have imperfections, but they have never allowed their limitations to outshine what they do best. People are just so forgiving especially if they know that you’re trying your best to please them despite your inherent limitations. But imperfections of attitude, which can’t be said to be natural, is a ball to swallow. If habits and moods bear inequity and do more than just satisfying oneself but inflicting hurt and pains to others, it leaves an imprint that is difficult to erase even if you are the most talented or the most brilliant person on earth.

We all have flaws. To love someone unconditionally is to embrace his imperfections together with all his might. That’s love in its perfect sense. But when it blows out of proportion, acceptance of someone else’s imperfection shouldn’t be kept in the heart, when it has crossed beyond the boundary of what’s right and wrong, it is better jarred or jailed.

Twisted Psychology

Two days ago I was chatting over YM with some of my friends back in the Philippines. It was a free exchange with everyone mud slinging one another in conventional humor, just the same way we did it when we were still together. Then suddenly one of them walked out of the room as she was offended by some of the things she said I have told about her. It wasn’t a logical thing to do but I also left the room and said me too, was discomfited and embarrassed. For we have been friends for years and have known mostly each other’s attitude and character. If my jokes offended them in any way, such reactions are enough to make me feel bad also.

I don’t usually crack a jokes to people who are not close to me. I only unleash my comical powers when I am with friends cause I know that whatever I say, they certainly know that it’s never meant. So when things go astray, when they take my jokes wrong and forget for a moment who I really am, it hurts me just as much as they do. If they get mad at me, I entitle myself to a much a larger disgust over them, as if they’re the one who do me wrong and they owe me an apology.

That is my psychology. That’s me. I don’t usually say sorry. If someone feels bad for something that I say or do, I do nothing back to make peace. If you don’t talk to me, I won’t talk to you either even if it will take years. If you chose to hold grudge against me, fine you can keep it for as long as you want and I can go on with my life assuming my hands are clean. If anyone hates or dislikes me, surely you can no longer find their numbers on my mobile phone. I always take a step ahead to show that those who couldn’t take me for what I am and for whatever reasons doesn’t deserve a bit of my time and attention.

Call me a freak, I know who I am. I have always been alone. When I try to cross the boundary outside my wall and people will warn me for taking too much at a time, I am much more willing to go back to my cell and live in my own private euphoria.

I Can Never Be Your Man

Without any intention to brag, only brutal honesty to tell the truth, many have tried, many have offered, many have seduced, many have confessed, many have pursued but none have succeeded, none have been reciprocated, none have merited my affection. I am the man to beat but I am not the man that your heart beat for. I am just a man but I can never be your man.

Not that I am not interested in a relationship, not that I have not dreamed of having a family, not that I have not imagined holding someone else’s hand, not that I have not planned of spreading my genes, only that I have other priority, only that I have not met, only that I have not found, only that I am still looking, only that I am still searching, only that I am still waiting.

My heart isn’t made of stone but I don’t deal with mercy and gratitude. I am a good friend and you can count on that but I’d rather be alone that to force myself with people that I don’t like. If I chose you to be my friend, I hope it to stay that way. If some special things come along the way, that is something sure to make me feel uncomfortable. I can be your one, true friend, but I can never be your man.

Because I am unique and difficult to understand. Because I am extremely vulnerable and weak. Because I want some more. Because I am looking for someone else. Because I am wanting a normal life. Because I am incapable, because I am a man. I can never be your man – because you are a man.

When Luck Sucks or I Do?

I’ve always been told to be a lucky guy, always getting the best of what I want in as far as jobs are concerned. Defying conventions, I got to choose my jobs instead of getting down on my knees so that opportunities could find me. Luck, it may seems has moved me from one giant place to another, but it’s not fair to say that it is all I needed to be grateful to. I am also a smart guy and many of my achievements are produce of my hard work, determination and resolve. But when things go wrong, like stumbling from defiance to defeat, it’s taxing to admit that I myself have screwed up something that other people can only wish for. In those cases, I could only sigh with a pint of remorse and say that sometimes luck sucks.

Every time I quit my job, I feel a little embarrassment when friends tell me to count my blessings and realize how fortunate and lucky I am for getting things what I want. The fact that I am getting more for doing less should make me more humbled and grounded. But I have been arrogant and unintelligible most of the times, believing that whatever I have achieved now, I can readily disposed it off and find something bigger and better. I have never contemplated on how really blessed I am compared to others. That is why it embarrasses me when people put on a heart tugging note on me, because it’s true and because it hurts. To get myself pissed off by their constructive comments is my way of admitting that I am indeed guilty hit to the heart.

Insatiable and ambitious, that might be an overstatement, for I still see myself as an ordinary guy just trying to find my comfort zone. I can never force myself to do something that I would feel uneasy and disturbed. I can never be successful to do things out of my way. I am deeply misunderstood for behaving differently. But one thing I am telling, I am still aware of what I am doing and have not gone totally berserk. I can always blame luck for giving me the best jobs but I have no one else to blame but my self for getting the worst endings.

Someone That I Need

Someone sent me an unsolicited text message, “you might have found happiness in your solitude but wont you give yourself to someone who might be needing you? To that I responded, “nope, I wont give myself to someone who needs me, maybe to someone that I need...” it’s not meant to upset other people, better lay down the cards instead of pushing and hoping for something that is never going to happen.

Someone who needs me may not necessarily be the same person that I need. It’s hard to deal with that, I can learn many things in no time but to learn to love someone, that’s a different thing and I don’t want to try. People would need you for a variety of reasons, sometimes genuine, sometimes suspicious. It’s hard to gamble, especially in matters of the heart. You will never know where and how it will start, much more how it is bound to end. Relationships should be mutual, not just one side loving the other. The reason for falling should be the parallel, not because time is running out neither falling in love out of mercy, security or gratitude.

Someone that I need, seems elusive on my part. Never seem to meet my match. I do need someone, trust me, I am dreaming just the same for that one person to complete me. When I love, I love passionately and I give my all. If I need someone, that’s because I love that person more than the way that person loves me back. I have the tendency to over love that’s why if I do, I make sure it’s lasting and enduring. Someone that I need is someone I can’t live without, someone whom I will spare every second of my thoughts, someone whose sole purpose is exactly to find someone like me.

Many people have needed me, but only few have found their way to the bottom of my heart. Aside from my family and my closest friends, I have never really needed anyone except for fun and ephemeral guilty pleasure. But one hidden portion of my heart is longing for someone to share me my dreams. Along my incessant repudiation of those knocking through my doors, I am always looking through that small hole that someone of my necessity would come along and sweep me off my feet.

It’s just that time hasn’t come and I am still waiting.

Goodbye Dubai?

Could it be the end for Pinoy’s good luck in Dubai? The advent of a New Tourism and Labor Law in Dubai is seen to adversely affect thousand Filipinos already here and those back home who are just planning to leave. Effective July 29, 2009, the government of Dubai has raised its visa rates, revised the duration of stay and worst of all, cancelled the transferability of visit visa to other visa forms. In short, if you visit Dubai and you wish to apply for work, well sorry, under the new law, it’s no longer allowed.

THE YEARS BEFORE
It wasn’t like that before. Dubai was as open as any other emerging city in the world like Hongkong, Macau or Manila. Many Filipinos have been lured to go to Dubai because of its easy, flaccid and open policy on travel, tourism and labor codes, and as what Samsung says, “everyone is invited”. Not only that the requirements were undemanding, once you were there, you can readily looked for jobs as if you have never left home. Take my case for example, for only P30,000 pesos, I was able to fly back to Dubai with the help of some of my friends. In less than a month, I got a job and after another two weeks I was issued a residence visa. I could not do that same thing in Canada or Australia or US. In these countries, getting a tourist visa is as tough as hell especially to people whose intention is not really to visit but to find work. In Dubai, they welcome everyone as long as you got a visit visa either from your friend’s sponsorship or through a travel agency, regardless of their financial status, educational/professional background or the intention of their visit itself.

PINOY COUNTRY
I must say that the development of Dubai is a phenomenon and part of this phenomenon is the exodus of thousand kababayans who sees Dubai as the newest and fastest way to a greener pasture. There wasn’t that much Filipino here in Dubai years ago as compared to Saudi Arabia or other Middle East countries. But when government’s initiatives fueled Dubai’s economy to an overwhelming success, Filipinos quickly seized the opportunity and the good news spread all across the archipelago. Not just mid-aged family men were enticed to go there but young generations as well. Now, Dubai has become a Pinoy country, there are Filipinos at every corner of the city. We accounts for a large percentage of all expatriates here in Dubai where you can find a kabayan working in restaurants, boutique shops, hotels, offices, salons and almost all other imaginable jobs where they count on our creativity, hard work and language proficiency.

OVERPOPULATED
One reason why Dubai has opened up its doors to visitors years ago was because they needed people to fill up the city. How can businesses survive without customers and patrons. How can mammoth development projects be implemented without labor force? How can a city be called a city without people and tourists in the street, without families in the park and without friends strolling the malls. So the seemingly endless possibilities has been offered to many nations including the Philippines and we gladly took the challenge. The success stories of many kababayans here in Dubai have attracted more Filipinos to take a taste of dates (UAE’s national fruit). And the rest, so they say, is history. Filipinos from all walks of life have arrived here as visitors and have tried their luck looking for jobs. Some would proved successful, others have to wait for sometime before a sufficient job is received from heaven. Today, Dubai is crowded with people, with Filipinos always taking the front lines. An officemate of mine just recently arrived from his vacation and when he came to the office, he asked why were there so many Filipino women here in Dubai? And to that I said it’s because Filipino women are capable of self-reproduction!

VISIT VISA
Majority of Filipinos here in Dubai has come on visit visa. I myself has come here on visit. Before the new law, any holder of residence visa here in Dubai can sponsor someone and buy him a visa, buy a ticket and your passport and you are ready to fly to Dubai. Everyone was free to enter Dubai, such a breezy thing to do back then. The visa is valid for two months, after that, it expires and you need to get another one. Before expiry, Filipinos usually exits to Iran or Oman, and there they wait for the their new visa to come out. The number of exit and visa renewal was endless so you can stay as long as you want as “visitors” and as long as you have the money to finance your stay. While on visit, you can apply for work, be it part time or full time. When you get a regular job, your company will process your papers and your status. Your visit visa will be replaced with an employment visa and then a residence visa will be stamped into your passport. Sometimes, you don’t have to leave Dubai while they process your employment and residence. Take me for example, it took me only less than two months to get a job and a residence visa that’s why I had not exited anymore. The entire processing took place even before my original visit visa expired.

EVERYBODY
Because of the simple and relaxed requirements on visit visa, almost everybody has decided to come to Dubai. Filipinos of all ages are arriving in batches. Women of all sorts, professional, jobless, wannabes, widows, single & looking and married ones have continually filling up Dubai streets in mini skirts, tight sandos and plunging necklines. Filipino men are flexing their way up the coveted white collared market. Some of course will be successful, others will have to wait for the right chance. While so many people, not only Filipinos are arriving here in Dubai everyday, not so many jobs are being offered in the same rate as the people coming in. So the competition is becoming more imminent. It would not be a problem if you had at least finished some college and had some working experience back home, so many jobs are available. But there are those who merely relies on luck and some technical skills to find a job, in this case the chance to be employed is slim considering the fact that other nationalities can afford to do the same job at a much lower salary. So, inevitably some of our kababayans have ended up unemployed for long period of time till they decide to go back home.

SIDELINES
I will an anti-hero to say this, but this is true. Some of our female kababayans are coming to Dubai or have stayed here in Dubai because they are looking or they have found their companions, either permanently or temporarily. Dubai is slowly becoming a melting pot for our kakabayans and everywhere you will see them with an Arab, an Indian, a British, a fellow Pinoy or some other nationalities. It might be unfair to say that they are doing this for financial reasons to vindicate the notion that all foreigners are rich. It might also be unjust to say that maybe, they just want to have a better looking son or daughter once they are married to a foreigner. Still, it might be judgmental to assume that they are just humans, of flesh and blood who feels some cold and loneliness in the night. Just the same, this kind of affairs by some of our kakabayans are sending some wrong signals and are taken negatively against our image. But who are we to judge?

Ring Around My Head

My mobile phone hasn’t rung in days, not a single text or a second long miscall. Disturbing. Alarming. Something must be wrong. The unit is okay. The network is fine. The account balance is positive. The subscriber cannot be reached. Sounds not good.

I’m in apogee of lunacy. Confined in banishment. Secluded in abomination. Yeah, I have already made myself a nuisance to others. Friends are marred by the cheapest of astuteness, traded in for some high flying and grotesque self importance. I am deeply conceited. I am happy to hurt. I am aware but obliged. I am spreading animosity.

I am unloved. That’s a lie. I hate to get loved. That’s the truth, the ugly truth. I prefer a self governed conduct of my errands. Souse not in my affairs, for I burgeon in waging war and I bargain atonement to no one. Hate me. That’s just exactly what I want.

Could I be missing an angel? Opinions say.

My Friendship

M A N O N T H E M O O N
For some, friendship could be a necessity. To some, a way of life. Something as important as the food we take, the air we breathe, the clothes we wear and the work we do. Some say that true friends are as rare as diamonds. Some even say that looking for true friends is like searching for a needle in the mountain of haystack. So many other splendid superlatives have been accorded to friendship but to someone who believes that life exists irrelevant of others, all these superfluous statements appear only in hallmark greeting cards and actually do not make any sense.

D I S O R I E N T A T I O N
“when I was young, I’ve never needed anyone…,” that partial lyrics of the song “All by Myself aptly describes my childhood life. Literally I had no friends, no fond memories, no playmates, no buddies. I was founded all alone. When I was growing up, it wasn’t so hard for me to accept that I needed to be alone though many times I felt scared, insecure and longing. I was made to believe that it’s just the way it should be. Soon, I have become immune to being alone, enjoying no one’s company and looking far beyond the stars believing that my fate rests within the palm of my hands and not the with the help of other people.

I N E V I T A B I L I T Y
Though my heart has been locked from top to bottom so that no one could ever find their way in, when I entered college, things have slightly changed. Maybe the increasing levels of testosterone in my body was pumping a little ferocity to my knowledge stocked head. I broke a little part of my shell and wondered about having people to join me in the most boring hours or during the jolliest one. So I have made some friends, though most of them I have almost forgotten right after graduation.


C I R C U M S T A N C I A L
When I started working my profession, I have gained some more friends because they were there and I was there. It’s wasn’t by choice but by chance. Being an employee of a company, it is imperative to know and exercise harmonious relationship with co-employees. That’s basically it. Nevertheless, there are some that are truly good and are worth the efforts.

O U T S I D E T H E C U B E
So there was life outside the office? Doing the things that I have never done before either because it wasn’t known to me or I didn’t have the means to do so, I have discovered an impetus for a mad following. Brilliant, I never thought I had it all along. So the roster of acquaintances grew at a surprising rate. Most would even be forgotten even before I knew them. These people are just people and are not friends. Friends, really, in my own vocabulary is missing or even if there, it’s so difficult to define.

W H A T A R E F R I E N D S F O R
It’s almost a hogwash line but answering it seems to be so unfamiliar. Why I need friends? Or better yet you should ask, why I don’t need friends? Because that is what I know. That is how I grew up, that is what I am used to. I am not used to being loved, being taken care of, being spoiled, being babied, I am not used to being a friend. I can live without friends, that’s all I know. I am sorry for that hard fact.

T H E C H O S E N F E W
But I am not closing my entire doors for friendship, there are still some who understands me beyond the complex of my personality. Some people who came, walked away and came back. Some who are willing to bear with my eccentricities. Some who respects the unlovable side of others. Some who sees beyond the eyes and listens beyond the ears. Some people who loves me for all my indifference, incorrigibility, disgusting attitudes and annoying character. Truly I am not for the faint of heart.

O V E R N I G H T F R I E N D S
Just as there are friends who are built to last, some have to be liquidated as soon as possible. These are the people who walk away after they get what they want. Nameless and faceless, oh well, who should be blamed?

Getting Old & Getting Odd

Most people would normally not want to divulge their age, especially when it is not clearly evident where and how they had spent all of those years. But I will be proud to say that I am now thirty years old. Yes, ladies and gentlemen and everyone else in between, I am now three decades old. At this meter, I have accomplished few great things and true enough I have made a lot of people happy especially my family. Sadly, I am not sure if I am happy myself with what my dreams and attitudes have taken me forth.

I should be married by now, with kids and stuff that constitute a family. I should be somewhere else out of Dubai. I should be a manager by now. I should have owned a car. I should have built my dream house by now. I should not be bored. I should not be waiting. I should be at peace. I shouldn’t be here at the opposite side of the world, waiting and unwanted, tired and torn, restless and ridiculed.

I should be grown up by now. But nope, feels like I am screwing up everything. Just recently, I almost feel like quitting my job (holy cow!) due to some indifference. Just recently, I scrapped all my friends with a hate campaign. Just recently, I deleted all the contacts on my mobile phones and I inflicted myself with a guilty predicament. Days ago, I was so happy, now I have succumbed myself to a self-imposed anarchy which is in everyway irrational and unjust. I am in dire need of an immediate psychological attention. Please bear.

I am not writing this because I need something for a blog entry. Believe it or not, it hurts doing all these things but I couldn’t help it. I know I was wrong but its hard to say that I am sorry. Truth is, I am afraid to lose the only thing that would remain when all things turn their backs on me, trust. I don’t want to end this in comma(,)period(.)

The Adventures of Batman: Soaring High & Falling Down

THE DARK KNIGHT
So what's the latest buzz in Tinseltowm last weekend? Chaos! It's chaos at the box office as millions of batman fanatics trooped to the cinemas to catch the hotly anticipated installment of the Batman Series. The "Dark Knight", which stars Welsh actor Christian Bale as the Caped Crusader, was directed by English filmmaker Christopher Nolan and co-stars the late actor Heath Ledger as the anarchic Joker.

Breaking Box Office

"The Dark Knight" began with a record $18.5 million from midnight screenings, topping the previous high of $16.9 million for "Star Wars: Episode III The Revenge of the Sith." Batman's joust with the Joker has set another box office record. Stoked by fan fever over the manic performance of the late Heath Ledger as the Joker, "The Dark Knight" set a one-day box office record with $66.4 million on opening day. The movie's Friday haul surpassed the previous record of $59.8 million set last year by "Spider Man 3". The opening day grosses for "The Dark Knight" far exceeded the full weekend haul of its predecessor, "Batman Begins", which took in $48.7 million in its first three days in 2005. Going into the weekend, the new Batman movie "The Dark Knight" smashed the weekend record set by "Spider-Man 3" last year, selling an estimated $158.4 million worth of tickets during its first three days.

Dark Knight's opening gross is the all time biggest.

The Legder's Factor

The death of a fine actor taken in his prime, a legendary performance, and a movie that lives up to all the hype, all these things have combined to create these record-breaking numbers. But it is Ledger's performance as the Joker, a role last taken on by JAck Nicholson for 1989's "Batman," that has generated the most buzz. It was the 28-year-old actor's last completed role before he died of an accidental overdose of prescription drugs in January. Many pundits have already declared that he is a shoo-in to receive an Oscar nomination for his creepy turn as the bane of Batman's existence.

Heath Ledger's performance as the mad criminal Joker, is said to have generated much of the film's hype and as early as now, critics are saying his performance is as shoo-in for the Oscars.

Two Thumbs Up
Aside from the soaring box office figures, the "Dark Knight" also flies high with overwhelming critical success. Spectacular reviews, the incredible buzz and good word of mouth that preceded it after the early screenings have all together bolstered its commercial success. Almost all critics favored the film and no one has any bad words to say about it. Take a look at how crictics reacted to the film:

Chicago Sun-Times

Roger Ebert
"...a haunted film that leaps beyond its origins and becomes an engrossing tragedy."

Boston Globe

Ty Burr
"You come away impressed, oppressed, provoked, and beaten down, holding on to Ledger's squirrelly incandescence as a beacon in the darkness."

Chicago Tribune

Geoff Berkshire

"The Caped Crusader scales new heights--and yes, Heath Ledger deserves an Oscar."

Entertainment Weekly

Owen Gleiberman
"...ominously labyrinthine and exciting ..."

Hollywood Reporter

Kirk Honeycutt
"One nervy blend of top entertainment and thoughtful character study."

Los Angeles Times

Kenneth Turan
"Christopher Nolan's powerful, disturbing Batman sequel is fueled by Heath Ledger's indelible Joker."

New York Post

Kyle Smith
"...summer blockbusters don't get much better ..."

New York Times

Manohla Dargis
"...Mr. Ledger’s performance and the film’s visual beauty are transporting."

Seattle Post-Intelligencer

Sean Axmaker
"...a pulp epic with mythic overtones..."

USA Today

Claudia Puig
"Though it clocks in at 21/2, hours, the film has a notable economy of storytelling and is tautly edited."

THE BAT-TERED GIRL

Having too much excitement in mind, me and my friend Rowell wasted no time and early Friday afternoon we set to meet at Al Ghurair Cinema to avoid the ticket rush. I arrived there ahead of him so i already bought tickets for the 3 pm schedule. Ten minutes past the start of the movie, Rowell arrived in a "mahangin-ba-sa-labas" look, we were a bit late yeah but fine anyway, the movie is suppose to run 2 hours and 30 minutes, so there's still lot to see. We decided to buy some snacks because i have not taken anything since morning. We were not expecting that our excitement to see the Batman & the Joker would be interrupted (spoiled?) by the counter attendant. While she was taking our orders, she would always tell us to hurry up and then she messed up our Nacho toppings and she even has the guts to complain the we were telling her so many things all at once. My friend Rowell, who came so cool and so relaxed couldn't stop the girl's nastiness from getting to his nerves, so she was battered with his words (and mine, too)...

....Alam mo miss, Filipino kami, wag ka na mag Igles, ang sakit sa tenga..

....Wala ka man lang ka PR PR..ok sana kung maganda ka eh...kaso...

.....Miss, bakit ka nagdadabog at parang tinatapon mo na yung pagkain, di mo ba alam na marami ang nagugutom at walang makain tapos tinatapon mo...

.....Ciguro Miss, mayaman ka sa Pilipinas noh? Kac kung umasta ka para kang kung sino?...

.....Eh bakit nandito siya sa Dubai...

.....At ang work nia lang eh... oh well tindera in short...

The moral of the story: be good to fellow filipinos and don't look at how the person looks from the outside. Naka tsinelas lang kac kami, but it doesn't mean na wala kaming pera so you would treat us differently. Malay mo, baka yung sweldo mo pala in 5 months eh sweldo lang namin sa loob ng isang buwan...hahaha.

THE REAL BATMAN
.If you are a batman fanatics, would you dare name anyone of your child as "Batman"? Oh well, somebody from the East Indies did, but unfortunately, having a superhero for a name didn't give the child any special reception or welcome from other people, rather it has made him become an object of mockery and tremendous embarrassment. He even solicited the help of another superhero, the ultimate superhero actually no less than the man of steel, but that has just made matters much worst. So having enough of "is-that-for-real-wow-it's-so-funny" compliments, he tried to leave the place he grew up and head somewhere where people would take his name a bit serious. At the airport security:

Customs Official: May I know your name?
Customer: Batman.
Customs Official: May I know your name?
Customer: My name is Bat-man.
Customs Official: Trying to be funny?! What is your surname?
Customer: Supar-man.
Customs Official: Arrest this joker.

Hahaha and that's how his sad luck has ended. The Batman has become the Joker. He was so helpless. The name of an admired Superhero has turned into a curse he'd wish he never had. Below is the passport copy of the poor Batman.

Sometimes, having this kind of name isn't funny and helpful anymore..

Unacceptable

It's probably the most horrible thing that has ever happened to my family. It's a bad dream that we hoped we could have easily recovered from. It's a sad luck I wished had never occurred. It was my sister's wedding, an unwanted and agonizing prelude to a disturbing family life. I am not trying to be mean and improperly concerned here; I am just out flowing the very source of some of my family's most heartbreaking ordeals.

My sister's wedding wasn’t something that we have embraced with open arms. Much to our detest, it has cause my mother gallons of tears since their engagement. During the wedding, we were barely represented. Why shouldn't we? It was her wedding, not ours. It was her man, not ours. When my sister met then guy for the first time, she went with him and she never came back home. We were the last to know that she's already runaway with someone we wished we've known. He was a total stranger and she was a total shame.

Before that unfortunate event, at least for us, my sister has already been a pain in the ass. She never finished schooling, that being the case, I assumed might have caused her to never dream big and be of help to my parents. She's always out of the house and when confronted, she would always talk down to my mother. She has given my mother enough heartaches. We could not stop her. Sometimes we wished she gets married if that's the only way to domesticate her. We have no idea that it would come sooner than we thought. We were unprepared.

My mother went hysterical the night that she did not come home. She aptly looked for her and called all her friends if they knew anything about her whereabouts. When news broke that she was seen in the guy's house in a nearby barangay, my mother rushed to them and convinced her to come back home. She's willing to accept her after all that has happened. But she wouldn't. She clung to her man as if they had known each other for the longest time. My mother was all cried out in pain and betrayal. Her daughter was marrying a guy we barely even know and I bet she doesn't know him enough as well. She might have gotten sore of my mother's constant lecturing. She was looking for an escape and she was probably blinded by the guy's words.

We would have been proud and happy if she's getting married to a decent guy, with stable job and a little pleasing personality. Unfortunately, there is nothing redeeming in the side of his character. His hideous, alcoholic and one jobless freak who depends upon his parents for all his needs. He comes from family of stubborn japayukis and mentally troubled clan. She was terribly blinded, by love? I don’t know for sure. Maybe the dark lights that characterized traditional barangay dance parties where they were supposed to have met.

After they got married, I could still hear my mother cried once in a while. She couldn’t contain her hurt in the same way that I couldn’t contain my hate. If there are people who felt bad about it, I was one of them. Not that I couldn’t accept that she has gotten married, what I could accept is the fact that she has tied the knots with someone who's so disrespectful. Someone whom I could not be a friend to. They rarely visited the house right after, thank God. One less mouth to feed, one less soul to worry.

Living their own separate lives, we thought would spare us of their usual feud. True enough, they have never bothered us of anything. Maybe they were trying to prove that they can survive a happy life even without our blessings. But everything changed when they bore their first child. Though my family's dislike for the couple hasn't completely died down, our love for the baby was absolutely devoid of any hatred and denial. We thought that his birth has nothing to do with how we deal with his parents. Gradually my family's not so pleasant relationship with the two has perished like a fading candle light, all because of the baby whose innocence has brought us to be humble and forgiving. Since then, they would always pay a visit to our house every weekend, all because my parents want to see and play with their first grandchild.

The Longest and Most Expensive 2 Kilometer Bus Route.

What is the longest and most expensive 2-kilometer bus route in Dubai? Well, it’s when you take the C2 bus from the Salahudin-Horalanz up to the Dubai Airport Freezone. Imagine!, this two kilometer stretch of paved and congestion free road could cost you 4 dirhams and that is through a BUS! If you invite three more of your friends and take a taxi from the same station up to the Freezone, you will paid only 2 dirhams each. The problem is, in Dubai, taxi comes in rarity especially in times when you are already minutes late for work and your boss number is already making your mobile busy. Buses, on the other hand, have their scheduled departure and arrival times, but which more often than not , are screwed and never followed religiously.

So what is left as a choice for us carless commuters? To put our patience to the highways and endure the sun and the sweat. When the C2 bus arrives (you can tell if it is even from afar, the C2 bus is the latest fleet of the Dubai Public Transport, , it’s the longest, the capacity of two regular buses merged into one), the wish for luck doesn’t stop there. The C2 bus route begins and ends and vice versa from the Zabeel Park in Burdubai up to the Dubai Airport Terminal 2. Dubai Airport Freezone, is after the terminal, approximately less than a kilometer away.

The C2 Bus Route, from Zabeel Park to Dubai Airport Terminal 2

When I take the C2 bus from Salahudin-Horalanz, I will pay 2 dirhams up to the Airport Terminal. There all the passengers will be asked to go down as it is the end of the route though almost all the passengers are actually bound to the Freezone. We will be sundried for several minutes, thanks to luck if there will be any cab that will take us to the Freezone. Otherwise we will just have to wait for the same bus which drop us there to pick us up one more time and pay another 2 dirhams. From Dubai Airport to Dubai Freezone, the distance is so short yet we have to 2 dirhams, it’s just not fair.

So bottom line is, everyday that I go to office, from Salahudin-Horalanz to Dubai Airport Freezone , I pay 4 dirhams and an extended waiting time. Why can’t they just make the C2 bus route ends at the Freezone instead of having it as its first stop once it departs from the Dubai Airport Terminal 2. Hundreds of commuters will probably be thankful if they do that, not only because we will saving 2 dirhams on one way but also save some precious time which is so important in these days

Never be the Same

This is s story of a young man whose everything from character, outlook and relationships with people has changed when he fell in love with an equally young lady whose character speaks only of anonymity and demure. But this is not my story, I am writing this from a friend’s point of view. I believe that I have known this guy better that everyone else does so that if there’s any changes that he has made to himself, it is I who could tell if he’s really a changed man indeed. It would be too assuming on my part to say that I was little to be blamed for how he has become, in the first place, falling in love was never wrong. He might just be misunderstood.

I have met this guy in Dubai, we used to work for the same company and eventually we stayed in one house. His journey was never easy, based on what he has told me, it was a lot of hardships and struggles in the beginning. He was like a younger brother to me, a very ambitious and self made young man. Whenever he would told me about his life plans, I just couldn’t say stop it because they’re just too big and too early, I felt for him. I also do the same but I keep it to myself. He was simple and yet smart. He was always eager to learn new things, he’s longing for company and many times I ignored and left him alone. He was a nice guy though there were things that I didn’t like about him, he smokes and he’s a little lethargic though he tried hard to cook and clean up. Over-all, he was a good friend, thoughtful, generous and dependable.

When I resigned from work and decided to go back to the Philippines, he was left alone. Then he sponsored to get his sister to Dubai. Two other officemates joined them in the house. In the Philippines, I was back to my usual life and I have not heard much about them since then. Six months later, I decided to go back to Dubai because the resources at home wasn’t sufficient enough to meet all of my family’s ever growing needs. Going back in Dubai loomed a little difficult this time, so I have needed all the help I could get. I decided that I would stay in his house and another friend of mine sponsored my visa. When I arrived in Dubai, surprise was waiting for me.

The house and people in the house that I was expecting were no longer there. The most unexpected among all the changes, a young woman who was introduced to me as his girlfriend. First it was fine with me living with them but sooner I realized that it wasn’t just me who was feeling uncomfortable inside the house, the girl was, too. She is the reserved type. She hardly makes any attempt to communicate with us. When we tried, she would speak little. She’s timid and shy. She is still unemployed and inevitably we have to bear with each other plus another lady inside that small studio room. I felt the urgency to transfer out but I didn’t have the means yet. So I tried hard to be at ease and civil. Then I got a job, thought everything’s going to be settled and okayed. What we didn’t know, the worse is yet to come.

Dramatically, things gone out of hand for all of us living inside the house. Even before I came back, I was told that there has already been some mounting pressure between them. The girl didn’t know how to mingle and he was consenting, walls were built inside the small room. There were jealousy, issue of infidelity, annoying public display of affection, betrayal, distrust, financial matters, miscommunication and eventually we found ourselves not knowing where we were standing. Then we took sides and the games begun. Sadly, it led to a brutal confrontation and we all lost. It would not have gone that far if we had just sat down and talked about it.

I am not sure if it’s unfair to say that this has all happened because of her. But I can say that the young man I used to know has indeed changed. For one, he has found a high paying job and the simple and humble guy has become mighty and arrogant. The once friendly and sociable has become distant and obscure. He has become obsessed with her. He only spoke to her and his world revolved around her. He defended her
against all odds. He loved her so much that I have heard him saying once that he would kill for her. She too was totally in love I supposed, I heard her once saying she would die without him. Many of his old friends including me have found their fascination and love for each other too deep for their young age. But why do we care? We don’t feed them and they have never needed us. He has turned his back on us and focused all his attention to the one he loves. All the time they’re together, they’re so sweet and their sweetness somehow has become annoying and disgusting in our very eyes.

He has made a choice that nothing on earth can come between them. In few days I am transferring to a new place. The other housemates decided to stay in the set up that they have agreed upon after the juicy confrontation. New house rules were implemented and a request was made for a civil co-existence. As for me, now that I got a job and standing on my own, I wish them luck and I still treat them as friends though nothing will ever be the same again.

Be Vain!

Nowadays, more and more people are getting conscious of their health and of how they look. Gone were the days when it doesn't matter if you're as big as your refrigerator or when it’s ok to go outside with your hair uncombed and undyed. Gone were the days when it is not a sin to go to office in sagging eye bags or wear your summer in bulging tummies. The days of being natural are out and over. The face of the earth is slowly being overtaken by aerosol hairspray, silicon augmentation, Botox injections, green tea leaves, methathione, name it you will get it even in the smallest far flung sari sari store.

The long list of beauty products, nutritional supplements, health drinks, dietary pills available in the market is keep on growing. Most advertised products we have today pertains to how we can achieve those flat abs and sexy bodies, how we can stay young and beautiful how we can prevent cancer, how we can make our heart stronger and just about everything on how we can better our lives be in health or beauty aspects.

Before, only the rich and the famous can afford to undergo plastic surgery and cosmetic enhancements. Now, the business of thank you Doctor has downgraded so much so that the treatment to shred extra fats, to boost frontlines, to trim sagging skin and to make the face a little pleasant to stare at can now be availed by ordinary people aside from those celebrities who endorsed them.

Most of the patrons of these services are women. Women have always been the epitome of beauty and vanity. Aging women who want to stay young, ugly women who want to look pretty and beautiful women who just want to stay with what God had blessed them with naturally. All the beauty products, cosmetiques, perfumes, lingerie are made originally for the descendants of Eve.

But time is changing, so are the people. Men are now starting to have their own share of the vanity business. More and more men are going to the gym to get a six pack, low carbs, diet soft drinks and light beers are in. Men are now using lotion, sun block, whitening cream, deo, mouthwash, fragrances, lip gloss, oil film, etc. Some would even bring in their bags their own kikoy kit. Pomade is out and wax is in for a stronger and more outlandish hairdos. Fashion wise, men are now walking the ramp side by side with women. Contemporary dressing is replaced with s striking and vibrant mixed of colors, buttons, cuts, sleeves, collars and fit. Men today are not the same men as before.

Surely not all people will embrace the idea of altering what God has created. Definitely not all will conform to the concept of trying to look good and stay young. Some will understand if women craved for all those beauty enhancements, but not when men do. Or if they do, they might be cultivating some other things in mind.

It is not fair to judge on the merits of what we just see and observe. Besides, one mans meat maybe another man’s potion. People do things for a reason. Its not entirely a waste when someone wants to feel good herself, maybe it would boost her self esteem; when someone goes to gym, isn’t he just maintaining a healthy lifestyle? When you try to be vain, aren’t you just being honest to yourself? There isn’t any wrong with trying to look good. As long as you are not hurting other people and not violating any rules and law.

Granting that I is indeed a waste of resources for something so unnecessary, be alarmed when it is your money that they are spending. Otherwise, be content with you have and let others do what they want to do. The world would be a better place to live in if we will just be a little considerate and understanding. Exist and co-exist. To each his own.