Writings on the Ocean Floor

Look at me and you'll never see a trace that i have a passion for writing or making blogs in particular. Maybe you would rather conclude that i care more for illegal drugs and basketball, rock music and alcohol or even as someone who sells pirated DVDs. Looks can be very deceitful but what the heart wants echoes beyond what the bare eyes can see, true and inspiring and never superficial.

So why i do write? Wee, everybody just needs an outlet for expressions. Some people would dance, others would sing, few would kill and i do write. The thought i can never say and the thought i can never show, by traslating them to written words i find refuge to free myself and solicit a comfort of hope that someday somehow people would see me, seek me and speak of me beyond what i am commonly known for.

When do i feel most inspired to write? When i find my emotions at the bottompit of the ocean. When there's just nothing else to turn to and when there's no one lef to hang on. When so many things' troubling my mind. When ive got so many problems to attend to. When i am shouting loud and no one hears. When something so important happens and when something so depressing inevitably occurs. When i succeed in an endeavor and when i fail a challenge. Be it based on bad or beautiful, the drama, the humor and the tragedy are all worth the ink. Inspirations come from all sources but the will to get inspired comes from within.

I am paid working as an accountant, i am appreciated more for being a writer. Guess which of the two do i enjoy more? Of course, its when i write. There's no pressure, all honest to goodness of being me. I dont deal with numerics but with realism about me and the world i live in. There's just so many stories to tell and this way bridge the gap between me and the rule of conventions. That though i may find myself drowning in solitary confinement, buried deep in the abyss of self neglect and disassociation, i am still linked to the world, waiting for the time would surface these writings in the ocean's floor.

Let's Blog Again!

Tula ng Pananabik

DALANGIN
Sa lawak ng liwanag mong saklaw
Nakamasid 'tong pusong mapanglaw
O buwan, ipabatid ang aking pang-ulayaw
Sa irog kong 'sang buwang di nadalaw

KUROT
Ubod balot ng kumot
Sa lamid at nginig ng tuhod
Sa islang sa gitna ng laot
Nahimbing ang pusong may kirot

HILING
Saksi ang kutitap ng mga bituin
Sa pagsamo ng pusong humihiling
Makita ka sana't makapiling
Bago sumilay ang takipsilim

TANONG
Nabilang ko na ang mga bituin
Maging buwan ay nasukat na rin
Maging mukha na araw ay napansin
Ikaw na alng kailan kaya ay darating?

YAN NA BA?
Paroo't parito
Tagaroon tagarito
Kanina't kanino
Sa akin ba mula sa 'yo?

INSPIRASYON
Araw man ay lumipas
Kahit puro malas
Wag ka alng umiwas
Magsabi pang may bukas

PARA SA 'YO
Kung pwede lang liparin
Ang dagat ay tawirin
Makita ka lang giliw
Buong galak kong gagawin

NANDITO AKO
Kung kaya kong talunin
Ang bukas ngayun din
Di ka maninimdim
Kayakap mo sa paggising

ABALA
Sa saliw ng hampas ng alon
Lumipas ang buong maghapon
Waring tumigil ng panahon
Sa 'king pagbabalik nakatuon

YEHEY
Umupo sa lamesa
Kumain nang mag-isa
Nalaglag ang kutsara
Parating ka na sana

PUYAT
Biling baligtad na higaan
Naroong magkubli sa unan
Naroong umulo sa paanan
Iniisip mo ba ako mahal?

LOWBAT
Umilaw ang celfone ko
Akalay text mula sa 'yo
NA excite pa naman ako
Nalowbat lang pala ang loko

TULALA
Sandaling ipinikit
Mga matang naglalagkit
Sa talukap sumisilip
Ikaw ang iniisip

INIP
Binibilang ang oras
Kung pwede lang ipaspas
Kung pwede lang umiwas
Sa lulong nitong banas

TULIRO
Sa hapon mga ibon ay dumapo
Sa silong ng malagong puno
Kislot galaw lukso tago
Windang kong isip pati puso

PANAGINIP
Tulirong pag iisip
Nagbababad sa inip
Sa larong luksong tinik
Ng munting panaginip

Sketches

Nangangati ang aking mga kamay. Kesa kung saan ko pa maidukot, maihawak o mailamas (mahalay ba?), eto ang kinalabasan ng aking malikhain at malikot na kamay at imahinasyon.

Libreng Sine

Kadalasan, nagbabayad tayo sa panonood ng sine para maaliw, malibang, matawa at para makalimot kahit panandalian lang, sa ating sanlaksang mga personal na problema pati na rin sa nakawiwindang na problema ng bayan. Pero minsan din, gumagasta tayo sa panonood ng pelikula para takutin ang ating mga sarili, para umiyak, para makisimpatya sa mga bidang naaapi at sa mga nawawalan ng mahal sa buhay. Nakakatuwa no? Biruin mo, gumasta ka para lang bigyan mo ang sarili mo ng takot, kaba, paghihinayang, lungkot at minsan mabigat na saloobin pagkatapos ng iyong panunuod. Pero anu't ano pa man, ang panunuod ng sine ay naging isa na sa ating mga nakahiligang libangan.

Dati, kailangan mong magbayad para lang makapanuod ng magagandang palabas sa pinilakang tabing. Pagbumili ka ng pirated, madalas kuha lang din sa sinehan with matching mga tumatayong mga tao pa. Matagal kasi ang agwat bago ito ipalabas sa telebisyon na kadalasan ay putol na ang ibang mga eksena. Pero hindi na ngayun, kasi maaari ka nang makapanuod ng pelikula sa internet nang libre. At dahil libre (pero ang internet connection may bayad), manuod ka man ng nakakatakot, nakakakaba, nakakaiyak, nakakabagabag at nakakapanakit dibdib, okay lang kasi libre naman.

Nitong mga nakakaraang araw, hindi ko na makuhang magsulat dahil busy ako sa panuunuod ng pelikula sa internet. Sa Crunchyroll at SurftheChannel ako madalas magbabad. Nung isang araw, pinanuod ko ang "A Very Special Love" nina John Lloyd at Sarah. Hindi ko kasi ito napanuod dito sa Dubai kasi talaga naman agawan ng tikets sa dami ng pumila. Binalikan ko rin ang nakakatanggal lungkot at nakakainspired na kwento ni Elle Woods sa "Legally Blonde". Nag second time din ako para panuorin ang Oscar's Best Picture na "Chicago" at "American Beauty". Sulit ang oras sa panunuod nga mga nakakatuwa at makabukuhang pelikulang ito.

Pero kanina, ewan ko kung ano ang pumasok sa utak ko at may pinanuod akong kakaiba. Nagbabasa ako ng ibang blogs ng madaanan ko ang link nito kaya binuksan ko. Foreign film siya, pero wag ka, hindi siya gawang America o Britanya. Hindi rin siya nakakatuwa o nakakaaliw. Malungkot ang pelikula, madilim, simple lang ang istorya pero malalim, kaunti lang ang characters, madrama, nakakaiyak, nakaka..ewan ko ba basta kakaiba. Nakakadepress. Yun ang tumpak na gusto kong sabihin. Parang mahirap mangyari sa totoong buhay ang kwento ng pelikula pero ewan ko din. Mahirap magsalita nang tapos. Bilog ang mundo. At sa larangan ng pag-ibig, walang impsoible, ika nga ng kanta ni Nina, "love moves in mysterious ways".

Pero bukod sa masalimuot na LOVE STORY nito, kwento ito ng pamilya, pakikipagsapalaran, pagpapakatotoo, kissing scenes! pero walang nudity, maraming actions, barilan, at patayan. Walang masayang eksena sa pelikula at mas lalong malungkot at depressing ang ending nito. Hay, siguro kung mga ganitong pelikula ang mapapanuod ko nang libre araw araw. Hindi na lang ako manunuod kasi sa kalagayan ko ngayun,pang aliw na palabas ang kelangan ko para mawala ang aking lungkot at pag-iisa. Pero maganda ang pelikula. Kung nais niyong mapanuod ang nasabi, eto ang link.

Maagang Halloween

Kagabi, mag-aalas otso na pero wala pa rin akong kasama sa bahay. Pauwi pa lang marahil ang aking mga kasambahay buhat sa kanilang mga trabaho. Dangan kasi'y wala akong pasok kaya maghapon lang akong nakakulong sa bahay. Nakakainip. Nakakasorya. Naubos na lang ang oras ko sa kung anu anong bagay: kakalaro kay teddy bear; kakapiris ng nakakabwisit na surot; kakakulangot; kakatambay sa aming veranda habang nakatingin sa malayo, nag-iisip kung ano kaya ang aking ginagawa sana kung ako eh nasa Pinas kasama ang aking pamilya.

Buong maghapon ang lumipas nang hindi ko man lang naiyapak ang aking paa sa labas ng aming paraisong kurtina. Isang maliit na ilaw lang ang nakasindi sa aming kwarto na para bang nagsasabing "patayin mo na ako nang wala ka nang makita.." Makulimlim ang paligid ng silid. Malamig. Tahimik. Ako'y nag-iisa dahil wala akong kasama. Pero ramdam ko sa aking puso ang higit na kalungkutan dahil alam kong kahil lumabas ako ng aming bahay eh wala rin naman ako maaaring makasama dahil wala naman akong kaibigan dito sa Dubai.

Alam kong malapit na akong magMMK moment na naman kaya nagpasya akong magliwaliw at maglakad lakad sa pinakamalapit na mall. Madalang din ang tao sa mall, siguro kasi ay unang araw ng linggo at kakatapos lang ng weekend. Mahaba pa ang gabi. Wala akong maisip na matatambayan o mapaglilibangan man lang nang mag-isa. Nagpasya akong manuod na lang ng sine, tutal matagal tagal na rin naman akong hindi nakakapanuod. Hindi kagandahan ang mga palabas pero wala akong choice tutal nandon na rin lang ako. Bumili ako ng tiket para sa pelikulang Boogeyman 2 (2007 pa ito pero ngayun ipinalabas sa Dubai). Alam kong horror movie 'to kasi parang napanuod ko yata ang part 1 nire sa Megamall. Anyway eh malapit naman na ang Holloween so okey lang na takutin ko ang sarili ko paminsan minsan.

Limang minuto na ang itinatakbo ng pelikula nang ako ay pumasok. Maliit lang ang sinehan pero sobrang dilim. Matagal akong nakatayo sa likurang bahagi habang nag-aantay ako ng maliwanag na eksena para makahanap ng mauupuan. Nang lumiwanag ang paligid, tumambas sa akin ang halos bakanteng upuan. Walang tao sa loob! At manunuod ako ng horror film nang mag-isa! Nalungkot ako at natakot. Hindi dahil nakakatakot ang palabas kundi dahil wala man lang akong kasamang matatakot sa tuwing may eksenang papatayin ng Boogeyman ang mga bida sa pelikula. Umupo ako sa gitna ng sinehan. Habang nanonood akong mag-isa, balot ako ng lamig at kaba, kasi baka kako may taong nanunuod sa akin sa aking kaliwa, sa kanan pati na sa aking likuran. Baka kaso bigla na lang akong saksakin at iwanang duguan sa loob ng sinehan. Walang kamalay malay at wala nang buhay.

Balisa akong nanuod, naramdahan ko talaga ang takot sa puso ko. Gusto ko na agad matapos ang palabas para ako'y makasulyap ng liwanag at konting init dahil talaga naman malamig sa loob. Pagkatapos ng pelikula, derecho akong umuwi ng bahay, humiga at muling tumingala sa makulimlim na ilaw, gustong pumatak ng aking mga luha. Kulang dalawang oras din akong nawala sa bahay pero wala pa rin ni isa ang dumating. Wala man lang makausap. Walang mapagbidahan ng aking panunuod ng sineng mag-isa. Malalim ang aking mga buntong hininga pero hungkag ang aking diwa. Bigla kong namiss ang pamilya at mga kaibigan ko sa Pinas.

Ilang linggo pa bago ang halloween pero parang ngayun pa lang eh ramdam ko na ang lungkot at takot. Takot na palaging mag-isa. Takot na masiraan ng ulo dahil sa kawalan ng makakausap.

Paint My Love

This is just to show you some proofs that I have loved the arts even before the advent of blogging. These are all painted using Windows Paint program:

Letting Go

“Ayaw mo na ba talaga sa akin?”, sambit niya habang nakalapit ang kanyang mga labi sa aking mga tainga. Naglalakad kami non patungo sa lugar kung saan kami maghihiwalay ng landas. “Hindi mo na ba ako gusto?”, ukilkil niya.”Hindi ba kailan lang ay nangako kang magsasama tayo sa hirap at ginhawa, kahit na pumuti pa ang hibla ng ating mga buhok”. Hindi ako nakaimik. Tama siya. Hindi ko napanindigan ang aking mga salita. Tinalikuran ko ang aking pangako. Subalit ako man ay naguguluhan din. Ilang hakbang pa ay naroroon na kami, kinukutya ako ng pagdadalawang isip. Gusto ko rin siya. Pero hindi kami nararapat na magsama sa pagkakataong ito. Ayaw makisama ng tadhana. Kailangan kong mamili. Siya o ang aking kinabukasan.

Mahirap ang pumili. Lalong mahirap kung may masasaktan at may maiiwanan. Hindi sapat ang sabihin magkikita naman tayong muli o nandito lang ako. Mahirap ibalik ang panahon. Bakit nga ba kailangan pang mamili? Dahil may pamantayan ang mundong ating ginagalawan. Hindi lahat ng matamis, hindi lahat ng masaya ay tama. Hindi lahat nang bagay ay uukol sa panahon. Kaya kahit masakit, kahit may panghihinayang. Kahit alam kong matatagal bago ko siya muling makita at makasama, sa pagkakataong ito, kailangan ko munang bumitiw.

Maging ikaw marahil ay nagpaunlak na rin sa ganitong siwtasyon. Kung saan kailangan mong bitawan ang isang bagay kahit alam mong napalapit na siya sa iyo at mahal mo na siya. Hindi gusto ng magulang mo ang iyong kasintahan. Kailangan mong pansamantalang lumayo sa iyong pamilya dahil ikaw ay magtratrabaho sa ibang bansa. Umiwas muna sa lovelife para makapagconcentrate sa pag-aaral. O pagpaparaya sa taong minamahal dahil mayroon na siyang ibang itinitibok ng puso. Masakit kung iisipin, pero kung tutuusin, para naman sa kabutihan ng lahat ang pagpaparaya at pagsasakripisyo.

Kinabig ko ng pintuang salamin ng aming pupuntahan, buo na ang aking pasya. Nakita ko ang aking sarili pati na rin siya na tila balot ng pagsusumamo. Hinawakan ko siya nang pahaplos, isang pagpaparamdam na hindi naman kami maghihiwalay nang tuluyan, pansamantala lang habang ako ay naghahanap ng kinabukasan. Alam kong maikli na rin lang ang panahon ilalagi niya sa mundo pero wala akong magagawa. Kelangan ko siyang bitawan at iwaksi sa aking paningin. Hindi magiging maganda kung makikita pa kami ng tao na magkasama, tiyak na makakasira sa aking plano, at yun ang pinakamahalagang bagay sa akin ngayun. Sana ay mapatawad niya ako.

Ilan saglit pa ay umupo ako at binalutan ng kapa. Ayoko sanang tumingin pero hindi ko magawa. Unti unti na siyang nawawala sa aking paningin at pakiramdam. Pahina nang pahina ang kanyang mga bulong. Hanggang ilang minuto lang ang lumipas, ako’y nakawala sa kanyang anino. Wala na siya, pinakawalan ko na siya......

Ending:

Sa pagtalikod ko sa salamin nang mag-isa, isang sulyap pa ang aking inalay sa kanyang pinatunguhan. Nagkalat na sa sahig ang hibla ng aking mga buhok na parang kailan lang ay pinangarap kong pahabain sana kasabay ng aking mga pangarap.

-0-

Pero ok na rin, bagay naman sa akin ang bago kong hairdo. Saka kailangan talagang gupitin kasi kumukulot na siya eh marami pa naman akong job interviews ngayun.:-)

Mukhang Computer

Now more than ever, I am enjoying my computer and the internet. I am so hooked to it that I actually spend more time in the cyberspace that with my friends, family and even with work. What's worst? It even take a toll sometimes on my personal life, like when I forgot to eat my meals, take a bath or rest with enough sleep. Malamang nalugi na sa akin yun dati kong internet cafe na pinupuntahan at sulit na sulit naman ako sa bago kong boarding house, kasi naman daig ko pa ang newscast sa kakababad sa internet, huh!, nakatutok 24 oras! Sabi nga ng isa kong friend, "mukha na raw akong computer" at "adik pa". Too bad, adik na computer, I have never seen anything like that before.

So I hurriedly rushed to the bathroom. I looked at myself at the mirror. I gently touched my face and wondered, "mukha na ba talaga akong computer?" Then I touched my jaw, "bilugan pa naman", hindi pa naman rectangular na parang monitor. I placed my hands on my forehead and then to my cheeks. I barely have pimples na pwede kong mapagkamalang keyboard. My ears are still normal, hindi naman mukhang tengang daga para sabihin kong mouse. Siguro, if there's any computer component that I can associate myself with, it would be the CPU, matalino "daw" kasi ako and my brain is overflowing with data and information. Kaya lang, tulad ng sa computer, meron daw din akong virus na super deadly, ang aking attitude. Mas grabe daw kesa sa "love virus", nakakapinsala, nakakahawa at nakamamatay.

Tama nga naman. I won't deny it. My life now revolves around the cyberworld. At bakit nga ba? Because there, I feel so belonged. I am deeply appreciated. I don't need to see or hear them physically for me to know they're raising their thumbs up in saying, "Dude, you are doing great!". Kahit pa siguro hindi na ako makapanuod ng sine o TV o kahit pa hindi na ako makapaglibot o makagala with friends, basta may connection, it is more than enough to make my day.

So okay lang kahit mapagsabihan akong mukhang computer. At least sosyal di ba? Mahal kaya ng computer, kesa naman mapagsabihang mukhang sofa, mukhang ref o di man kaya ay mukhang queen size bed. Besides, I know, tumanda man ako sa kakacomputer, alam kong marami akong napapasaya at sa panahon ngayon, that is all that matters.

Nothing Beats Dubai (P-1)

If you think that the architectural and engineering expansion in Dubai is over, oh well think again. A slew of new projects are on the table and in the works as we speak, and this time, the projects have gone bigger, better, bolder and weirder. Take a look:

The "cloud' is a speculative design for a resort city elevated 300 metres in the air above dubai and supported on slanting legs resembling rain. it is designed by nadim karam of lebanese architect atelier hapsitus. it is a horizontal presence on an elevated platform, an antithesis to the sum of skyscrapers spreading over the entire region.

ha hadid' "dancing towers" are planned to be located in dubai's business bay development area. the plan consists of three buildings which rise up from the ground bending and intertwining with each other to create fluid animation of the forms.


The "pixel tower" by light architecture is on the palm jebel ali overlooking the lagoon and bay. the building's twisted core gives it a light and flexible appearance. the 45 degree twist allows the uppermost apartments to have optimal views, despite the buildings footprint.

The "infinity tower" is designed by skidmore owings and merrill and is located directly on dubai's waterfront. when complete it will be the world's tallest tower to feature a 90-degree twist. it will be used for luxury apartments and services, with all sides of the building featuring optimal views. the building's interior structure will feature a a concrete column, shaped like a helix. each floor has a slight 1.2 degree twist to compose the full 90 degrees.

madrid's a-cero architects led by joaquin torres has designed a new tower for the city of dubai. "the wave tower" is a high-rise proposed to be installed on the city's waterfront, the first skyscraper to do so. the tall tower, which appears to float in the sea, is connected to land by a gently curved bridge which mimics the waves ofthe gulf sea. the building is under development and will be in the madiant al arab district. it will stand at 370 meters and have 92 floors wrapped in a double skin glass facade.


real estate mogul donald trump is also part of the architectural plans of dubai, along with nakheel hotels he plans to build a 255 meter "trump hotel" on a man-made island in dubai. with 60 stories, the 5 star hotel will also house some luxury apartments. the building has been designed by atkins architects.


" Opus" is another dubai building designed by british architect zaha hadid. the 235 million GBP development was designed for the business bay for omniyat properties. it stands at 20 stories located next to the towering burj dubai. hadid's concept was to have the building open onto the city, framing the views. it is currently underdevelopment and is planned to be completed by 2010.


"0-14 tower" was designed by resier and umemoto and rur architecture pc along with dubai developer, shahab lutfi. the building was designed for dubai's business bay and features 22 floors covered in a double skin facade that's outermost skin is constructed from 40c, thick perforated concrete. the one meter space between the skins creates a chimney effect, cooling the building.

"'dubai pearl" was originally conceived by the omnix grop in 2002 but has since been taken over by a consortium of investors led by the al fahim group. the 3 billion USD project overlooks the pal jumeriah and covers 1.4 million square metres of the dubai media and technology free zone.


currently awaiting completion, this art deco inspired building will house a hotel and residences. "the burj dubai lake hotel" stands at 306 meters next to the duabi mall and the burj dubai lake.


"dubai towers" is the centerpiece for the large 'lagoons' development. the buildings and the development were all conceived of by TVS. the four towers range in size from 54 to 97 floorsand were inspired by the flames and movement of candlelight.


The "da vinci rotating tower", is one of the most innovative an unique buildings to be built in dubai. the 250 meter tower will allow each floor to rotate freely allowing the building to shift its shape. in between each floor horizontal wind turbines will allow the building to produce energy.

Nothing Beats Dubai (P-2)

'dubai promenade' is another project developed by nakheel. located in between dubai marina and palm jumeirah, this wheel shaped five star hotel is built on a man-made peninsula. it will be accompanied by a series of sister towers that will create 2,000 residential units.

'the al sharq tower' will be the tallest building on dubai's sheikh zayed road when it will be completed. measuring 360 meters tall, the tower will contain 268 luxury apartments. the building features eight interconnected cylinders which covered in a spiraling filigree. skidmore, owings and merrill designed the structure which is currently under construction.

architect andrew bromberg designed this 120 floor building while at aedas architects. measuring 516 meters, the 'pentominium' is a residential only building which will be one of the highest towers n dubai's marinA, when it is complete. the slender building is covered in glass with a series of tiered balconies on one side.

INspired by the 'Q1', the world's tallest residential tower, the 'D1 tower' is designed by sunland architects. it combines middle eastern tradition with modern technology. it measures 284 meter tall with 80 stories, located on dubai creek cultural and artistic district.

atkins architects also designed 'the lighthouse' a new tower located in the middle of dubai's financial center. the 400 meter tall office tower which hopes to set a new standard for sustainability among dubai's towers. it plans to reduce its total energy consumption by 65% and its water consumption by up to 40%.



'ocean heights' is another tower located at dubai marina. it measures 310 meters tall and contains 82 floors. each side is twisted to maximize the views over the water when the building is completed this year.

'the burj al alam' or world tower is a 108 story, 501 meter high skyscraper currently being constructed in dubai's business bay area. designed by nihon architects, the building's form is based on the form of a flower. when complete it will be among the tallest building in the world. the top of the building will be finished with a 6 story turkish bath and sky garden, when construction is completed in 2010.

'tameer towers' was proposed as a sustainable skyscraper, designed by gensler architects. the development will include six 72 story towers with a diamond shaped base. set to be complete in 2011, the towers will be shaded by a series of landscaped terraces. inside, apartments, hotels, shops and office will fill p the space.


'synergy' is another building designed by india's sanjay puri for dubai's business bay area. the 20-storybuilding was designed to appear like a stack of cubes that were fluidly merged. one side overlooksthe promenade in front while the other side faces a lake. the facade is punctured by a decorative motifderived from islamic art.

The 'emaar towers' are located at the entry point to the burj dubi development, right across from the burj dubai tower. the towers are 42 and 34 stories each and will mostly house offices. an articulated skin covers the buildings and recalls the layers of traditional islamic architecture.

royal haskoning architects were invited by nakeel development to create a masterplan design for pal jebel ali, off the coast of dubai. their winning design includes sports facilities, housing, retail and office space. the design also features an iconic bridge connecting to the main towers.

'the apeiron hotel' will be a 7-star hotel built on an island off of dubai. the arched 185 meter tall hotel will cost 500 million USD. it will have 350 luxury suites that will only be accessible by yacht and helicopter. designed by sybarite uk, the hotel features its own lagoon, beaches, cinemas and at gallery.

'the empire tower' is located in the heart of dubai. it uses an array of splayed vertical layers which are unified at the bottom and rise up into the sky with gentle curves. it measures 230 meters overlooking the sea and nearby parks.

'the palm tower' is as its name implies, inspired by the trunk of a palm tree. it is located in the center of jumeirah village. it measures 150 meters tall holding offices, retail space and gardens. designed by sybarite uk, it contains 60,000 square meters of interior space.